An Empty Nest

(Photo found online)

School is back in session. College students have descended on our small town crowding the aisles at Walmart as they stock up on toilet paper and other necessities of life…like Mountain Dew and Doritos. The parents of these same students are touring the town, stopping in at the local shops, exploring what is now their child’s home for the next several months. The students act excited and the parents…not so much. I’m not sure if that’s due to the fact that they are paying for these same students to attend college or the prospect of leaving town to go back home without their child…probably both.

My brother and sister-in-law just dropped their youngest off at a school of higher learning. Their student was excited and ready to move on to the next phase of his life. My sister-in-law on the other hand has struggled for weeks at the prospect of his leaving.

When our first born left home I saw him off at the airport and then went to our Wednesday evening activities at church. My emotions were under control but right at the surface. I was doing fine talking about our son until a friend asked me how I was doing. Tears welled up in my eyes and I told her I couldn’t go there or I’d be sobbing that ugly cry. She nodded and changed the subject. Our son went into the military so he left his room just as it was. We would go in and just sit on his bed, it made us feel closer to him.

Our youngest spent the next 7 years wishing there were other children in the family so she wouldn’t be our only source of interest. While she would be the first to admit that being the youngest has its perks; seeing the two of us standing in her doorway just watching her do her homework those first few weeks her brother was gone wasn’t one of them.

The day we moved our daughter into her apartment I returned home to her nearly empty room and sat down in the middle of the floor where her bed had been and cried. The things she had left behind were things she had outgrown or didn’t have room for. Those things are now boxed up and in our basement.

Once both children had flown the coop and we were left with the empty nest, life went on but it didn’t feel right. If we as parents do our job correctly we have prepared our children to leave home but…it feels very much like being fired from a job that you love.  I think the grief surprised me more than anything.  I was happy they were out on their own, living their dreams but I was overwhelmingly sad as well.

Now life with my husband brings back memories of when we were first married- just the two of us. We have less stuff to pack into the car when we take a trip and only two opinions on where to eat or what to do. I miss being able to share the things with my daughter that I know she would find interesting or funny. It has gotten easier. After three years I can look at our home as being spacious instead of empty. I like that when I clean, things will stay clean. I don’t miss the staying up until they come home, or the falling asleep and waking up when they come home late.

I miss the laughter and the togetherness. The everyday familiarity of my children living at home. The spontaneous hugs, the notes left for each other, the shared meals, just hanging out together. Those times we are able to be together now are all the more precious, they seem to be over sooner than I would like.

As with every new circumstance in life there are adjustments to be made. I spent a lot of time in prayer asking God “What now?” God must have been waiting for me to ask that very question because He has given me plenty to keep me busy.

To my sister-in-law I would say...keep breathing.  Put one foot in front of the other and move forward.  Cry if you need to, talk it out with someone who has been there, we understand.  Just because we are not part of the everydayness of our childrens lives doesn't mean God isn't.  When our children move on to the next thing in life they don't go alone...God goes with them.

I’m thankful for snail mail, phones, texting, email and Facebook, all options for staying connected. God entrusted two children into my care for a season. I pray I didn’t let Him or them down. Though they are no longer living in my home, they remain in my heart. I look forward to someday beginning a new season in life…grand parenting. I think I might enjoy it…there’s room in my heart and home that’s for sure.

Walking in love,