Tuesday, September 10, 2013

When Pride Creeps Up On You

It's been nearly two years since I last posted here on the blog.

I have been writing. Just not here.
I needed to step back and evaluate my motives for blogging.

I love to write. 
I love that I share something and people understand what I'm trying to communicate through words. 
They get it. 
What ever "it" is for that writing.
I am amazed how God uses writing to teach me new (new to me) truths about Himself ...
...His love
...His forgiveness
...His purpose
...His glory
...His faithfulness
...His righteousness
...His mercy
...His patience
...His healing
...His joy
...to shine the light of His truth on my life...
...my motives
...my hurts
...my hangups
...my failures
...my faith
...my creativity.

He has used writing to impact others with words of encouragement and blessing because He inspired me to write the words. 

It's His inspiration, His gift that flows through me.

I am thankful for the comments, for the encouragement, for the kindness of everyone who has read what I have written and shared how it touched them, or how they can relate.

But there also was my problem. I found myself too concerned with what readers thought.

Pride is an ugly thing.

Even uglier when you see it in yourself.

Oddly enough I didn't notice that pride was creeping in when it came to blogging. It was a subtle thing. But then one day it was glaringly obvious that this was sin when I realized that I was logging in repeatedly just to see if anyone had viewed my blog and if so how many and which posts were getting the most reads?  It became about numbers. It was about receiving validation from others and not about glorifying Him.

So I stopped.
Stopped sharing.
Stopped posting.

I did some soul searching about my motives.

Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!
Psalm 139:23

I want to be real. I want to be transparent
I don't pretend to have it all together. 
I'm not wearing a halo or hiding behind a mask pretending I'm something I'm not.

I asked God to show me if I was to write another word on a blog and if so then show me His timing. 

So two years has passed.

I begin again.

Wiser I hope.
Wiser to the tactics of an enemy eager to use me to rob God of His glory.
Wiser about my own sinful nature.

Praising God for His blessings and gifts.
Praising God for the gift of His grace. 

I'm an ordinary person...ordinary in that I am a sinner. 
Saved by grace...
...in the hands of an Amazing God!

Walk in love,